Afraid of Losing You
by Hope114
Summary: Jessica wonders what she did wrong to upset Sam. Pre-Series. Rated M because I'm paranoid! Sam/Jess


**Author's Note: **Hey everyone. :) This is the first time I have ever written a story that isn't for school. A lot of people tell me I write well and that I am good with words, I have no idea why they think that way, but I've been wanting to try and write a story for a while now, just to see if I could, I guess. So I'm posting it here to see what you guys think. :) If ya'll like it, then I'll be encouraged to write more, if not, then I'll probably just throw away the thought of writing stories. :) I want to mention a few things before I go ahead with the story:

1. This story wasn't originally supposed to be a Supernatural fanfiction, it was something that came to me and I wanted to see it written out, but I also wanted my first story to be about Supernatural, so I changed it a bit to make it a Supernatural fanfiction. So if the characters are a bit out of character, I'm sorry.

2. I'll be referring to this as a story, but I'm not really sure if you can call it that because it doesn't have much of a plot. It's just a scene I thought they could have...

3. This is told from Jessica's point of view for now. Sorry, the plot called for it - or else I would have loved to go into Sam's mind. Maybe in the end? :)

4. This is set during Sam's time at Stanford, before Dean came and took him to look for their father, and before Jessica's death.

5. If anyone is wondering why there is no Dean in the story, then it's only because this plot came to me without the thought of it turning into a Supernatural story and my whole plot is centered around the time before Jessica's death, so I can't add him in. Not even through Sam's thoughts because the story is told through Jessica's point of view. I might switch it to Sam's point of view for a teeny bit in the end, but I'm not sure yet.

6. Yes, Sammy is my favorite. But I also love Dean! I think it's impossible to love one without loving the other. If it wasn't for Sammy being able to touch me in ways I can't describe, I would have had a very tough time choosing between the two characters. But I'm SO glad we don't have to choose and that we get both of them together! :D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything Supernatural related, I just hope Kripke doesn't mind me borrowing. :)

* * *

Jessica knew the moment she was awake. Her eyes were sealed shut with exhaustion, but a feeling of cold dread had overcome her in her sleep, causing her to stir awake. She kept her eyes shut, trying to remember her dreams during the night, wanting to find a reason that would explain this unwanted emotion. She rolled over onto her right side, her hand unconsciously seeking out comfort. When her hand made contact with cold sheets rather than the warmth of skin she had been so accustomed to, her eyes flew open, and the memories rushed back to her. She wished it had been a dream. She always had preferred dreams to the harsh reality of life. She sighed, and turned over onto her back, arm coming up to rest over her eyes. She had been through this kind of thing countless times, she knew what to do. But she was experiencing these uncomfortably familiar emotions from an entirely different angle, not helping her situation in the least bit. She groaned and rolled onto her side as she pulled the covers up to her chin, clutching the blanket tightly to her chest. She didn't want to get up. She never wanted to get up, especially if it meant dealing with something she didn't want to deal with. And she knew she had to deal with it, because it was Friday and she had nothing else to do today. Why couldn't it be Monday? The one morning she didn't mind waking up to a Monday, she found herself dreading her favorite day of the week. Life could be completely unpredictable sometimes.

Jessica grumbled under her breath as she shoved the covers out of the way and dragged herself to the bathroom. It took every ounce of her willpower not to slam the door shut behind her. She locked the door, and turned, not surprised when she stood in front of the mirror to stare at her reflection. She had known this old habit of hers would find its way to this morning as well, just as it did to every morning that started off with strong emotions, whether it be of sorrow, anger, joy, confusion, or mere curiosity. So she stared, never understanding what she was searching for. She noticed everything all at once, taking in the disheveled hair, the swollen, red eyes, the angry pout of her lips, the defeated hunch of her shoulders, and the hands that hung loosely at her sides. She never understood why her eyes couldn't seem to focus in on one thing in particular. It felt to her as if she had to consider every angle, every aspect, every possibility, before she could bring her attention to what stood out the most. Her eyes did. She fixated on her eyes in the mirror.

Jessica's eyes were red and slightly swollen from all the tears she had spilled the night before. That confused her. If they were pouring out tears, then why did her eyes look as if they had collected tears instead? She shook her head as she sighed loudly, knowing all too well that answers aren't always the answer. She proceeded with her normal morning routine, adding in a morning shower just to freshen her up. She let her hair curl around her face, wanting to let it air dry. After she had thrown on her favorite pair of sweats and an old T-shirt, she took the dreaded steps down the stairs, taking the comfort of the plush carpet as a good sign. She counted the steps as she came down, knowing from memory that there would be nine steps to count.

Jessica pushed in the kitchen door slowly, trying to make her arrival evident to Sam. She frowned as she entered the kitchen, noticing that Sam was so engrossed in a book that he hadn't even noticed her come in.

_Awkward._

Jessica didn't know what to do with herself, she had hoped he would initiate any form of interaction between them. Luckily, she didn't have to think any longer. She guessed that Sam had felt her presence, because he looked up at her, quickly tucked in a pencil inside his book, and put it aside before turning back to look at her with eyes that obviously hadn't been shut for sleep in a while.

"Hey. Sleep well?" He smiled awkwardly for a quick second before dropping his gaze to the table to wrap his hands around his mug.

"Uh," She cleared her throat, noticing how dry her mouth was as she realized that she barely heard her voice herself.

"Um, yeah. Hey. Morning. And you?" She wished she hadn't asked him that the minute the words left her mouth. She didn't know if he knew that she knew he wasn't getting any sleep. For the past week, he would stay up late, saying that he had papers to write, but she knew he didn't eventually come to bed during the nights. The thought made her nervous, reminding her of last night, and she rushed to speak before he could answer.

"Do you want breakfast? Do you want something to drink? Oh, wait, you are drinking something. Never mind." _Great_, she thought to herself,_ still haven't mastered the art of thinking before I speak_. She quickly moved to the cupboard, trying to hide her face from Sam's penetrating, hazel eyes. She didn't miss the fact that they were a deep green this morning, even in her rush of anxiety. There was something about his eyes… He seemed to know exactly how she was feeling when he looked at her with those eyes. The emerald green of Sam's eyes worked magic. She filled a glass with water and drank eagerly as she felt the icy cold water slide past her throat, hoping it would cool the burning ache in her chest.

"No, I'm good." Jessica turned just in time to catch Sam's lips pursed in annoyance as he circled the rim of the mug with his index finger. Her hand came up in reflex as she took a step towards him, her body seeming to move of its own accord. But before she could make another move, her body went rigid with fear and her face fell.

Last night, when Sam had come home after a tiring day, he had had that same look on his face. Her hand itched to reach out to him, to hold his face in her hands and smooth away his worries. She wanted to look into the deep pool of his hazel eyes and read his unspoken words there. But when she had tried to soothe him last night, he had spurned her touch. She clearly remembered the way he had taken several steps back to put space between them when she had asked him what was wrong.

~ * ~ FLASHBACK ~ * ~

"Nothing is wrong! Why would anything be wrong?" Sam flung his keys on the table, and dragged his hands down his face, the action drawing attention to the dark circles under his eyes.

"I'm sorry, you just looked-" She didn't even get to finish what she was going to say before he interrupted her with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm just tired, okay!" He tore his jacket off him and flung it on the couch a few feet away.

"Is this about your family?" And she saw it, his hand paused for just a second in his attempt to push his hair off his face and out of the way. She wouldn't even have noticed it if she wasn't paying such close attention to his every move. That must have been it, his mood probably had something to do with his family. "Are they oka-"

"Why won't you just leave it? Do I always have to explain myself to you? Why do you always have to look for reasons behind everything? Why can't anything be simple? Just leave me alone, okay! It's so damn frustrating!" He had turned around, so that she was left staring at his back as he had screamed his heart out at her.

"I will." She managed to whisper around the shock, before she rushed to the bedroom, not waiting to let him turn around and see how her face was etched with pain. Once she had reached the bedroom, she hurled herself onto the bed, curling into a fetus position as she tried to register the shock. They had never fought before, Sam had never even said anything close to rude to her, he'd always been the sweetest person she'd ever met. It made no sense to her that he'd get so angry over his family, or anything else, for that matter! Sam never lost his cool, and so she never realized how much it would hurt to think that Sam wanted her to leave him alone. Did she really always ask for answers? She didn't want to be the one who made things complicating for him, nor did she want to make him do anything he didn't want to do. What had happened to make their almost perfect relationship turn into something he might not want? What was Sam feeling? What had she done? She had fallen asleep with questions on her mind and tears in her eyes and had awoken to the feeling of dread.

~ *~ END OF FLASHBACK ~ * ~

* * *

A/N: The story is still in progress, but I hope that was okay for now. If anyone wants to review, the feedback would be appreciated. :) If you read, thank you for your time. :)

P.S. I don't think Sam and Jess had stairs or plush carpet in their dorm room, so I'm sorry for the out of character-ness. :(


End file.
